Twas the Night...
“Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” Except in our house. There was definitely something stirring and we had the evidence, which unfortunately presented itself in of all places, the silverware drawer. This is curious because this drawer contains no food at all, thus the name, as opposed to the somewhat cumbersome and completely inaccurate “silverware and food for a mouse drawer.” There is always the unlikely possibility that our mouse was one of the more well mannered rodents and simply preferred using a knife and fork to eat whatever it is that well mannered mice eat. Or perhaps the mouse left his “evidence” behind as a means of venting the frustration he surely felt at being unable to access the aptly named bread drawer.
Whatever the reason the mouse had arrived and it was clear that he had to go so I turned to our cat for help. Everyone knows that cats catch mice so this seemed to be a logical course of action. But it turns out that “everyone” actually means everyone except our cat, who would have trouble catching a mouse or anything else for that matter even if the poor creature happened to miraculously become stuck in the cat’s food dish and even then the odds favor the mouse.
With nowhere else to turn, I took matters into my own hands and the great mouse hunt was on. I secretly replaced the silverware with a mousetrap, which of course, looks nothing like silverware, but I was hoping the mouse wouldn’t notice. In the morning I carefully slid the newly christened mousetrap drawer open and I’m happy to report there is one less creature stirring in the house.
Then I began to wonder about the mouse. Was he a rogue acting on his own? Or was he part of a bigger more diabolical plot involving, dare I say, more mice? That night I once again filled the mousetrap drawer with another trap. As I had before, I baited the trap with peanut butter and went to sleep secure in the knowledge that any additional stirring creatures would soon be, well, not stirring.
Upon rising I once again slowly slid the drawer open but there were no creatures, stirring or otherwise inside. Even more disappointing, there was no peanut butter! This new four-legged adversary had managed to pick the trap clean without setting it off. It was clear I was up against a very clever mouse.
That night I baited the trap again, this time taking great care to ensure that it would not be possible to steal the peanut butter without setting off the trap. But I had failed to take into account just how devious a mouse I was pitted against for the trap once again had been picked clean and yet still somehow remained unsprung. I knew that somewhere, a mouse with a belly full of peanut butter was laughing.
I also knew the trap must have been defective as I refused to accept the alternative explanations, i.e., operator error or an incredibly smart mouse. That night, armed with both a new trap and renewed determination, I closed the drawer confident that I would at last outwit a beast whose brain was a mere fraction of the size of my own. In the morning that confidence was rewarded and once again there was one less creature stirring.
Realizing that stronger measures were required, I pulled out all of the drawers and searched for any nook or cranny that a mouse could possibly squeeze through. When every possible means of entry had been plugged I sat back to admire my work and suddenly realized that it really was now December 24th. In other words:
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except maybe still another mouse
The holes near the drawer had been plugged up with care
In hopes that the mouse could no longer get there.
The children were nestled all snug, wait a minute, let’s try that again.
The children weren’t nestled, they were playing XBOX.
As I set my mousetrap like a sly little fox.
Then I thought to myself, as you’re about to see
Do we really need one more twas the night parody?
Of course we don’t. Here is what happened: In the morning the trap was still full of peanut butter and hadn’t been touched. It was definitely a Christmas miracle.
