Above the Law

My To-Do today list is a lengthy one. I have a variety of things to accomplish and as usual, probably no where near enough time to get through them all. The time it takes for this little bit of wordsmithing will certainly not help and I can already see myself rushing around in order to check things off the list. There is an excellent chance that some of that rushing around will involve driving a tad (likely more than a tad) over the speed limit. I’m just hoping that speeding is one of the laws that no longer applies to me.

These days, it’s hard to know which laws to obey because so many of them don’t seem to apply to everyone anymore. For example, last week, Republicans in the House of Representatives barged into a secure facility (a SCIF) armed with cell phones, which along with other electronic devices are ordinarily forbidden. In the course of their occupation, they managed to delay the proceedings, part of the the ongoing impeachment inquiry, for about five hours, during which time they also apparently ordered out for a pizza and Chick-fil-A lunch. Eventually they left and the scheduled hearing continued. Other than possible indigestion (Chick-fil-A), there have been as yet no consequences for the stunt. Although it’s hard to believe my To-Do list might have included “storming a SCIF” (likely between “get a haircut” and “go to the bank”), there is no question that the consequences had I committed such an act would have involved handcuffs, jail time, and definitely no pizza (On a side note, you couldn’t pay me to eat at or support in any way Chick-fil-A but that is another story). Not to worry, there is no storming of any kind on my list. Not yet anyway.

Another thing that has yet to make my To-Do list is “respond to Congressional subpoena” (although I could possibly squeeze it in between “laundry” and “grocery shopping”). I’ve now lost count of the number of people in the current administration who have simply chosen to ignore a subpoena. Again I’m sure this is something I couldn’t get away with. But I do think it’s nice to know that a subpoena is actually only a suggestion so now I’m wondering if the same rules apply to jury duty.

Let’s face it, it is increasingly unrealistic to expect that laws in this country apply evenly to everyone. It would just be helpful if I could find the list of laws that no longer apply to me. Sure it would be great if the afore mentioned speeding was on that list. But wouldn’t it be even better if robbing a bank was on there too? I could certainly use the money and during the robbery, I’d absolutely be willing to order pizza (but not Chick-fil-A) for everyone. My treat.

You might be thinking that sounds absurd and you’d be right. But is it any more absurd than what the un-president’s (unfit, unhinged, unpopular, etc.) lawyers have now argued in court. According to them, if the orange-menace did actually shoot someone on Fifth avenue as he has famously bragged he could do, he could not be charged with a crime. Think about that. Meanwhile, I think we all know what would happen if that To-Do list of mine included “Shoot someone on Fifth or any other avenue” (between “call cable company” and “begin new screenplay.” But unlike me, presidents are apparently above the law.

I wish I’d known that years ago when I was a president. Sure, it was only the president of our local Little League, but had I known the job came with unlimited immunity, I might have gathered a few of the other dads together for a caper or two. I probably would have stopped short of shooting someone (although there were a few parents who...never mind), I suppose our gang could have helped ourselves to a couple of hot dogs from the concession stand. Naturally any of my accomplices would then claim some sort of executive privilege and we’d all be in the clear. Sadly, my presidential days are long over.

Even more sadly, this is no laughing matter. In an effort to both entertain and make a point, I’ve employed my usual snarky tone here, but the cold reality is this: the occupant of the oval office is convinced he is above the law and that is a dangerous thing. Now with impeachment on the horizon, I can only hope that putting country before party is on the To-Do list of every member of Congress. In the meantime, please excuse me, I’ve got a list of my own to attend to and I promise I’ll try to stick to the speed limit.