Hope in a Jar
In less than two weeks, the Hope and Change President (that would be the good kind of change, where people can get affordable health care, gay people can marry, and climate change is taken seriously) will be replaced by the Fear Mongering and Change President (and this would be the bad kind of change where health insurance vanishes, civil rights go backwards, like to the fifties, and climate change is considered a hoax). Because of that, some of you may be feeling a tad hopeless. Even Mrs. Hope and Change President was recently quoted as saying, “We are feeling what not having hope feels like.” Overall, for many people, the situation is bleak but fortunately, there is a solution. Hopelessness can now be a thing of the past; because as you can see in the picture above, it is now possible to get “Hope in a Jar.” Who knew it was that easy?
Technically this appears to be “Hope in a Tube,” but “Hope in a Jar” probably sounded better in some product development meeting. Unfortunately for the “Hope in a Jar” people, this is exactly the sort of thing that sends my Snark-O-Meter (a device I’m hoping to market soon) into overdrive.
I made this surprising discovery in a bathroom, a place normally associated more with bodily functions than hope. Since everyone knows there is no shortage of people who need a little hope, I began to think of all the people who could benefit from a little “Hope in a Jar.” One such person was a writer friend, who’d recently posted the following on Facebook:
“Raymond Chandler published his first novel at 50. I guess there is hope for us all (though my hope is dwindling daily…)”
Now, thanks to my discovery, there’d be no need for dwindling. Instead, after a couple of jars (or tubes I suppose) of this stuff, he’d be rivaling Raymond Chandler in no time at all.
I realized there were all kinds of people who have very little hope, people like the homeless, aspiring actors, and Cleveland Browns fans. All of them could benefit from some “Hope in a Jar.”
I wondered if sales in Chicago had been higher in recent years. How else to explain the never-ending hope of the Chicago Cubs fans, despite having absolutely no reason for hope at all? Was it possible these fans had a little help, perhaps some performance enhancing hope(also known as PEH) that comes in a jar?
It seems to me there are endless uses for “Hope in a Jar.” Those of you who are dismayed with the results of the election, your problems are now over. Although, it is possible a COSTCO sized jar of hope might be required, perhaps weekly, in order to get through the next four years, and even that might not be enough.
Once I realized that Hope was available as an over the counter remedy, I began to wonder what else comes in a jar. Clearly there is a need for more products of a similar nature. “Fitness in a Jar” could certainly be a big seller. I could use a few jars (okay more than a few) of that myself.
It’s possible that “Snark in a Jar” might have some potential. Naturally that would be for people other than myself. I think we can all agree, if there’s one thing I probably don’t need, its more snarkiness.
And finally, it seems like “Truth in a Jar” might be a great product. I’m sure if we employed one of those crowd-funding campaigns, we could raise enough money to send an enormous supply (we’re talking way more than a COSTCO sized jar here) of “Truth in Jar” to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. I think the next occupant could use it.
One can only hope.
