I am not a car person. You’ll never find me changing my own oil or doing my own tune-ups. So when my truck’s “check engine” light came on the other day I did what I always do; I ignored it, hoping it would somehow turn itself off. It didn’t. Technically the light in question is the word “check” and a cute little picture of an engine but the message is clear. Or is it? When the light failed to turn off on it’s own accord I popped the hood and following the advice of my truck, I checked the engine. The engine was still there. Beyond that I had no idea what to do. Does anyone? The check engine light is unlike any of the other lights that appear in a car. It is nowhere near as useful as some of the other lights.

For instance, when the little picture of the gas pump lights up, I know that I need gas. And soon. Or if a light reading “Brake” appears, I’m aware my emergency brake is still on. But the check engine light is in a class by itself. It really should read something like “Nothing is actually wrong but you should bring your car to the dealer and be charged for repairs you don’t need.” And soon.

Which would be fine except for those times when there really is something wrong. For those times, I avoid the dealer and instead have a local mechanic who works on my truck. Once when the check engine light appeared I called him for advice. He wanted to know if I’d just put gas in the truck. I had in fact, recently fueled up. “Well it might be just a loose gas cap” said the mechanic. Imagine my surprise when an extra twist of the cap made the check engine light disappear. This makes no sense to me. My gas cap is nowhere near my engine. Wouldn’t a “Tighten your gas cap” light be more appropriate?

The last time the light went on he hooked a computer up to determine the nature of the problem and after hitting a few buttons he told me that I had three codes. “Codes?” I said. Isn’t “check engine” nebulous enough? On top of that they put everything in code?

The fact is, I can think of many lights that would prove to be more useful than “check engine.” Wouldn’t it be great for instance, to have a light that reads “Slow down there’s a cop right behind you” or perhaps one that blinks “Hey you idiot, your coffee cup is still on the roof!” Come to think of it, I’m sure a light that tells me “Don’t forget to get the dry cleaning” would mean more to me than “check engine.”

But my truck is equipped with none of those lights. So after a month of staring at the bright orange reminder that I don’t know a thing about cars I gave in and went to the mechanic. He dutifully hooked up his computer, decoded the message and diagnosed the problem. It seems that the heating element in the air fuel ratio sensor has gone bad. Naturally this was my first thought as soon the dreaded check engine light appeared. I mean, what else could it be?

The bad news here is that air fuel ratio sensors are not cheap. There is fortunately some good news as well. I’ve finally figured out what the “check engine” light really means. Unless your gas cap is loose, you’ll be writing a “check” for your engine. And soon.