“Do I look fat in this dress?” Comedians have made both the question and the ensuing response a staple of their acts for years. The correct answer, as we all know is “no.” Honesty often goes out the window in these times as the answer is frequently not the truth but rather what the questioner wants to hear. It seems that those who ask the question are simply looking for validation. They already know the answer and that’s where the dance begins.

This is the fib dance. It’s a dance we all do and we do it often. For example, I recently danced with my dentist. He told me I needed to floss and I told him what he wanted to hear: “Floss? I’ll get right on that.  Hourly. You’ll see.” The dentist did his part of the dance next. “Well, if you don’t, your teeth will fall out.” He says that knowing full well that there will be very little if any flossing going on. The dance continues in this manner until the appointment ends. Then as usual, I thankfully escape with a bag full of new floss that I’ll probably never use.

Perhaps you are an avid flosser and consider yourself immune to fib dancing. I assure you this is not the case. I can picture you whole heartedly nodding in agreement as your doctor tells you to quit smoking. I can also picture you lighting up with relief on the way home approximately seven minutes after telling the doctor you were going to quit for sure this time. It’s simply much easier to tell the doctor what he wants to hear rather than suffer through a lecture on the horrors of tooth decay or lung cancer.

The fact that both the dentist and the doctor are right means little. The fib dance has been ingrained in us from an early age. Ask a child if they’ve brushed their teeth and you’ll get the response you want to hear: “Of course I brushed.” Inquire as to whether or not they’ve studied for the big test and you’ll get the same answer regardless of whether or not they ever cracked a book: “Study?” I already did. See you. I’ll be out playing basketball now.” This continues throughout childhood. By the time we’re adults, we’re experts at fib dancing.

And while it takes two to tango, the fib dance is just as easily (and probably more frequently) done solo. How many times have you thought to yourself “I’m going to get in shape?” If you’re like most people, the number is high. Tragically, it’s also true that most people don’t follow through with this plan. The fact is you’ve been dancing with yourself, telling yourself exactly what you wanted to hear instead of what you know to be true.

There is an alternative to the fib dance. It’s called being honest. But is it really the best approach? Never mind flossing, imagine the consequences to the following: “No, I am hungry. I’m just not eating because it tastes like it came out of a vacuum cleaner bag.” Still think honesty is the best policy? How about this one: “Some people should never under any circumstances be allowed to sing and you are one of those people.” And for those who still aren’t convinced: “Why yes officer, I have been drinking.”

While complete honesty might not always be appropriate, constant fib dancing is not the way to go either. The thing of it is these little white lies will eventually come back to haunt you (just ask the Bush administration). In short, you will develop lung cancer and your teeth will fall out. Like most things in life, some sort of balance should be achieved. As for me, I’d be happy to tell you how you look in that dress if I only had the time. Right now I’ve got some more flossing to do.